3 Questions To Answer Before Living Together

Living together is usually a step forward in most relationships, but it does not usually imply a commitment as important as the mythical “until death do you part.” However, betting on coexistence is a serious enough decision to make a thorough evaluation, before doing so. What is sought, in any case, is to consolidate a relationship that is stable and enriches life.

Before living together it is necessary to know each other enough and also to have reached some minimum agreements. It is important that both have a similar vision around some aspects that usually cause problems if they are not clear and defined, before taking the step towards coexistence.

It is also essential that both of you are honest , first with yourself and then with the other in relation to issues that are very relevant as a couple. In principle, before making the decision to live together, it is necessary that there be agreement in three aspects that we present below in the form of questions.

1. Fidelity, an issue to resolve before living together

The first question to answer at the beginning of the coexistence is Do you agree on fidelity issues ? Many times it is taken for granted that when you start living together, you are eliminating any possibility of having a relationship with a third party. However, the terms are not always so clear.

This is one of the thorniest issues in any relationship, as it is rarely addressed explicitly. For this reason, it is also a matter that must be very clear from the beginning. The members of the couple may have a different vision of the value they place on fidelity or their disposition towards monogamy.

A conversation about it may be a bit disappointing. Unless there is a conviction that has already been tested, it is best not to make promises that we do not know if we can keep. The best thing to do is to be honest and establish the limits of the relationship, both at the beginning of it and at the moment in which they change for us.

2. Is there convergence in future plans?

If they decide to live together it is because at least they share that project in common – and all that it implies . When either of you has plans to make significant changes in your life, perhaps draw up a plan shared by both of you before starting a relationship.

What each one hopes and wants to achieve must largely coincide. If not, it is possible that the very development of individual life projects ends up creating a gap between the two. If the one wants to settle down, while the other only dreams of going to travel the world, the most likely thing is that the union will end up breaking down.

Aspects such as the desire or not to have children, as well as the lifestyle of each one are crucial for coexistence. The best thing is that they basically agree on those points, instead of waiting for the other to change when living together. Most likely this will not happen.

3. Are they free to make the decision?

This is another one of those aspects that seems obvious, but many times it is not. The decision to live together must be completely free. Sometimes there are some pressures in this regard, but they are not given the importance they have. Over time, such pressures can take a heavy toll.

Sometimes a person thinks it’s time to start living together just because almost everyone their age has already done so. Other times there is a harsh family silence whenever singleness is discussed. There are also cases in which you are not comfortable with life or loneliness and it is assumed that living together will bring happiness that has not yet appeared.

It may be a good idea to rethink the decision to live together if any of these factors or pressures are at play. If so, it may be necessary to resolve that issue first and not rush into a change that could lead to many disappointments. Sharing life with your partner should be a free decision.

It is clear that the decision to live together is reversible and that no one has certainties or guarantees when living together as a couple. However, the margin of chance and uncertainty is reduced when starting from basic agreements on relevant issues.