5 Reasons Why Receiving Is Harder Than Giving
Do you think it is more difficult to receive than to give or vice versa? How do we feel when we give something to the other? Whether it is part of our time, help, love, affection, material elements (for example gifts), etc. Usually giving makes us feel good. But what about receiving? Do we know how to receive? Have we been educated for it, or do we reject the praise? Does it make us uneasy to receive, as a feeling that “we owe something to the other”, as if they expected something from us?
It is clear that human relationships are complex and that there is no universal answer to all this we do. Also, each person is different! However, for this article we have selected 5 of the reasons why it is more difficult to receive than to give.
5 reasons why receiving is harder than giving
What do you think is hidden behind the difficulty that people often have to receive? Why aren’t compliments or gifts always good for us? What is it that we really fear?
And why does it cost us, often so little, to give? We reflect, through 5 reasons, on why it is more difficult to receive than to give.
Fear of feeling “tied”
The first of the reasons that would explain why it is more difficult to receive than to give has to do with the fear of ties, with the connection with the other. When we talk about receiving, we do it in the plural: praise or compliments, recognition, gifts, attention, affection, love … As we see, we can be the passive subject of multiple objects.
In the case of praise, it can happen that we are praised not so much for who we are, but for our achievements. So, the act of receiving can be linked to the continuous need to “act” in order to be praised.
The fear of having to prove
Thus, in slightly more extreme cases, we can come to feel that we need, continually, to demonstrate our worth to receive this type of compliment.
This is especially true with people who only praise us on our merits, and can lead to unnecessary social pressure and feelings of frustration, discomfort, or low self-esteem.
The belief that receiving is selfish
Certain types of educations or religions may have unconsciously made us believe that receiving is a selfish act. If we have this idea in place, we can feel bad when we receive something from someone.
This is quite irrational, but it can happen in many cases. From this would derive feelings of shame or discomfort when we receive something from someone.
If we also have a little low self-esteem or we believe we are “insufficient”, we can come to think that we do not deserve it or that we must “compensate” the other in a certain way.
The pressure of reciprocity
Relating this to the previous point, it may happen that we block ourselves from receiving. The possibility of contracting an unwritten debt with another person can generate anxiety.
In people perhaps more insecure or with a certain degree of paranoidism, they may come to think that gifts or compliments are attempts at control or manipulation. Mistrust, many times, is at the base of all this.
Faced with these types of situations, how do we react? We defend ourselves preventively from any sense of obligation or indebtedness, by not accepting the gift or the compliment.
A defense mechanism
When we receive something from someone, a connection is created between us. There are people who decide to prioritize giving over receiving in order to keep people distant from their lives, as if they wanted to protect themselves from them.
Faced with these behaviors, many times the fear of suffering, fear of commitment, lack of confidence, bad previous experiences hides …
In this way, if we fear intimacy, we may tend to reject gifts or compliments, as a way to “protect” ourselves from that possible connection that emerges from receiving.
Fear of not being in control
Another reason it is more difficult to receive than to give has to do with control (or the “search for control”). Who doesn’t like to be in control of situations? Or the feeling of control?
Let’s not kid ourselves, that makes us feel safe… So when we give, in a way, we are in control. But, and when do we receive? We probably feel that we are not in control there.
In reality, receiving invites us to embrace a vulnerable part of ourselves. It is, although it sounds paradoxical, a way of giving ourselves to the other. “I receive and give you my control.” But if uncovering that vulnerability scares us, we can refuse any kind of reception.
Why do we like to give?
Although each person is different, the truth is that it is not always easy to receive, although it may sound very simple at first. Instead, it is easy to understand why we love giving to others so much.
When we give, in a certain way, we are in control, we choose what to give and to what extent, it gives us satisfaction to reinforce the other or to see how something of ours encourages them or makes them excited … Giving makes us feel good.
A fear after receiving
On the other hand, receiving implies accepting a moment of connection with the other that we do not always want, that we fear or that it is not always easy for us to fit in. And with all this fear and personal insecurities, fear of ties, previous failures in relationships …
The importance of balanced relationships
From here we encourage you to give and receive in the same measure, whenever you can, in your personal relationships: seek balanced relationships where neither party suffers because it feels that it gives “more” or “less” to the other, where you can leave carry and above all, where you can be yourself.
