7 Steps To Forget An Impossible Love

An impossible love is one that never manages to become a stable relationship , or that ends before it has started or matured. It is paradoxical, but it is those loves that give rise to the deepest duels, sometimes they are more difficult to forget. And it is paradoxical because if they did not finally flourish, in theory they should not lead to so much suffering.

The most practical do not entangle life with an impossible love. When they notice that there are no conditions to build or maintain the love bond, they accept it and put an end to it in time. Others, on the other hand, have a hard time giving up the expectations, illusions or dreams that were forged around a relationship. The feeling is stronger than the evidence of its unviability.

One way or another, an impossible love is never forgotten. It leaves great traces, precisely because it has not been lived or worn out at the moment in which it is time to renounce it: the idealization has not been broken. But even if you do not forget it completely, it is possible to process that feeling and get it to one side to move on. These are 7 tips to achieve it.

1. Define what makes it an impossible love

There is a big difference between a difficult or stormy love and an impossible love. The latter has no possibility of existing. The most typical case, and also the one with the most emotional difficulties , is that of someone who loves and is not reciprocated. Perhaps it would be more accurate to say that one person wants and needs another, but that other does not feel the same. Real love is always two.

Of course, you can try to win someone who shows no interest at first. At the same time, it is also important to understand that there is a point where it is necessary to accept that the company has no future. The same applies to other impossibilities that tend to have the same element in common: one wants and the other does not. If there is no mutual feeling, there is no viability.

2. Examine your fantasies about love

It is very usual that the difficulty to renounce an impossible love comes from some fantasies that have been installed in the culture. For example, that of “the better half” or that of the “love of life”. From these imaginaries the idea arises that there is only one person “predestined” to be our partner.

Although it is a nice fantasy, it does not correspond to reality. Human beings have an infinite capacity to love. When you live a relationship, you face its end and you get the experience and wisdom that it brought, in general, the next relationship is even better.

We can always start over and any new experience can be better than the previous one. In fact, the years prepare us to love with greater generosity and tolerance when we do not remain anchored in those impossible desires; the same ones that are sometimes crossed.

3. Acknowledge the negatives

Falling in love, and not love, easily leads us to idealize people and situations. Sometimes we give them virtues and attributes that they don’t really have, or that they only possess to a modest extent. To dilute these mental constructions it is important that we also proceed to evaluate the negative elements.

What defects does that person have that you think you love so much? What unsatisfactory aspects are there or were there in the situations that you shared with her or him? Could you think about how those flaws and errors would manifest themselves in about 10 years? Those are the questions you should ask yourself and try to answer with complete honesty. Your perspective will likely be more realistic in the end.

boy with woman bathing on his head suffering from an impossible love

4. Accept that it is time to forget

It is the most difficult step. It has been proven that when a person wants to be in a loving relationship with someone and it is not possible , reactions similar to those of an addict during withdrawal syndrome occur. Emotional and even physical discomfort is sometimes difficult to tolerate.

And just as in addictions, the most difficult thing is to accept that dependence exists, that it generates deep suffering and that one feels powerless over it. It seems easy to admit, but it is not. Sometimes we are capable of inventing and rationalizing any pretext for not accepting that, indeed, we are victims of a dependency. When you manage to accept it, you take the most important step. That focuses and clarifies the steps to follow.

5. Remove links and suppress memories

After accepting that it is time to leave that impossible love behind, what follows is to begin to cut all the bonds that remain. That means not calling, not trying new encounters, distancing yourself from your friends and doing everything that allows you to break the ties that are maintained with that person. In particular, it breaks ties on social media: they are very treacherous.

In this same logic, it is necessary to suppress memories. Delete the photos, put the gifts away. If you’re not ready to get rid of them, just gather them up and store them in a place that is difficult for you to access. If your decision is already firmer, break everything. It is a way of blurring and diluting the presence of that impossible love.

boy with umbrella in his eyes thinking about an impossible love

6. Change your routine, try something new

It is time to start a new stage. The impossible love perhaps occupied many of your hours, your days and even your years. Letting go will not be easy. However, if you propose to make that change, everything will gradually become easier. Sure there are things that you have always wanted to do and for one reason or another you have been putting off. Now is the time to address those “pending. “

The final goodbye time is also the time to venture out to know new activities or new places. Traveling is always an excellent alternative. What if you put your mind to it? It is also worth exploring your skills, taking a course that takes you to meet new people, or practicing an interesting hobby. Life goes on and there are thousands of things to do.

7. Give time to time

There are loves and loves, and some of them leave traces so deep that they do not go away no matter how many tidal swings they occur. An impossible love almost always takes root for a long time and resists not being evoked. It is something that, in any case, cannot be achieved overnight. It requires determination, courage and character. It will cost and there will be small relapses, but time will help you grow.

If you are clear that you cannot continue to nurture a love that cannot be; If you also cut ties and propose to start a new life, little by little you will get that person to occupy a different place in your mind and in your heart. You will gradually feel more peace in your soul. You will discover that in that process of loving and then letting go, you have learned a lot and have grown more.

boy with house behind his back thinking about an impossible love

Why do we commit ourselves to an impossible love?

Impossible loves are more common in adolescence. As we mature, these loves are left behind and the object of our desire begins to be a person more similar to us, who shares our tastes and interests.

However, there are many adults who continue to get involved in impossible relationships, which never come to something concrete. Some of the causes are:

Low self-esteem and masochistic tendencies. On an emotional level, they may have the unconscious idea that they do not deserve to have a healthy and stable relationship, and they embark on impossible relationships.
Idealization. They believe that if that person loved them, their life would be better or more complete. In reality, they do not fall in love with the person himself, because in most cases they do not know him well enough. But the idyllic image they have formed of it. They fall in love with the person they would like me to be.
Feeling attracted to the forbidden, such as being the lover of another person who already has a partner. In this case, that love becomes a challenge or challenge. And, if the person begins to show interest and the love materializes into something real, it is common for the relationship to automatically lose its charm.

Why is it so difficult to forget an impossible love?

In general, when a relationship ends, it is because it has gone through a series of experiences that have led to disenchantment. Therefore, although the break is usually painful, sooner or later it is overcome.

However, in impossible loves, disappointment does not come, the person remains in illusion. So forgetting is like leaving a dream behind. In this way, when illusions do not materialize, we not only suffer, but we also prevent ourselves from finding a person who can really satisfy our expectations.

Giving up the impossible is a daily act, and in love it couldn’t be less. Unintentionally, many of us are hopeless dreamers. We are not so easily satisfied with the idea that limits exist and that sometimes we have no choice but to accept that fact. The wonderful thing is that by finding the borders of our own possibilities and accepting them, we also take a definite step to learn to be better.

Everything you live is worth it. It is even those frustrations that hurt us so much, which later become the seed of our greatest achievements. They are also the foundation on which we build an adult personality. This is, a way of being in which it is understood that the limit for our love fantasies is in what others want freely.

Images courtesy of Maria Wasick, Henn Kim