Abusive Messages From Ex-partners: A Mental Health Risk

There are two ways to end a loving relationship: the healthy and respectful or the problematic. The latter is more frequent than we think and can leave us serious consequences in mental matters. So much so that a recent study alerts us that abusive messages from ex-partners increase the risk of anxiety, depression and even suicidal thoughts.

The issue is more serious than it seems. We are talking about psychological manipulation, harassment and, therefore, abuse. The fact of receiving WhatsApps , emails or inappropriate messages on social networks ends up undermining the balance of the person. Likewise, there is another fact: the impossibility of closing forever a relational stage with someone.

On the other hand, it is not difficult to deduce that whoever is a victim of this type of “digital” abuse suffered the same dynamics when they were a partner of that stalker. The suffering lengthens and reaches even more tortuous limits. We analyze it below.

Abusive messages from ex-partners, a form of harassment

Ending a relationship is not usually easy for anyone. However, there are times when it is more convenient than ever to end a bond. We are talking about those cases in which one experiences abuse in any of its forms on one’s own skin. However, in these latter situations there is often the common and well-known reality that the person who abuses does not want to put an end to it.

When the ex-partner does not accept the breakup, the recurrent harassment “campaigns” are started. These can be based on surveillance, unwanted visits, persecutions and also in the constant sending of messages. It is useless to tell that person to assume reality and turn the page. Because to the desperation for that break, anger and frustration are often added when conceiving the loved one as a possession.

Thus, although it is true that we already know very well the psychological effects of bullying, we did not have much scientific literature regarding abusive messages from ex-partners. The data could not be more conclusive: the victims of this type of dynamics suffer great psychological wear and tear.

Digital bullying and its effect on psychological health

The research was published in the journal Social Psychiatry and Psychiatric Epidemiology and was conducted at the Institute of Psychiatry, Psychology and Neuroscience at King’s College London. The data of 6,857 people who had gone through a couple breakdown were analyzed and what was revealed in this work was the following:

• There are many ex-partners who use WhatsApp messages , email, comments on social networks or even sending cards as a form of harassment. Not only do they ask or demand to restart the relationship, threats and obscene messages appear frequently.
• Men and women receive abusive messages from ex-partners. However, they are the ones who suffer twice as much as men the probability of receiving these types of messages.
• Although this reality can appear in any cohort of age and social class, it is more common for it to appear among the population between 16-24 years of age.
• Likewise, another significant fact appears: the probability of suffering anxiety, depression and even suicidal thoughts in these situations is very high. The risk of leading to mental health problems is 39.2% compared to the population that does not receive abusive messages from ex-partners.

Abusive relationships and breakups that keep us away from abuse

Many may be surprised at what the data tells us. Why would someone have to think about suicide just because they received inappropriate messages from ex-partners? Wouldn’t it be enough just to put a filter so that they don’t arrive?

Reality is much more complex. Because it is very likely that whoever is harassed digitally after the breakup was also mistreated in the time that the couple’s relationship lasted.

It is common for physical and psychological abuse to be a precedent. This form of violence leaves serious consequences and the fact of not being able to completely get away from that reality intensifies the suffering.

There is a constant feeling of fear and insecurity. Threats and obscene phrases completely undermine the psychological balance. You cannot turn the page and start a new stage. All of this can lead us to extreme situations.

The need to act on abusive messages from ex-partners

Something that we must bear in mind today is that abuse is now practiced in many ways and digital is the simplest and most recurrent. It is not necessary to travel or leave the house to enter the daily (and mental) reality of a person. They can even use fake profiles or mobilize others to also act as trolls to someone.

It is necessary to consider digital harassment as one more form of mistreatment of ex-partners. This is increasingly appreciated among adolescents and not all young people know how to act. Educating, preventing and developing new mechanisms for the protection and psychological assistance for victims is decisive and also urgent. Let’s think about it.