Affective Relationships With Highly Sensitive People (PAS)

Affective relationships with highly sensitive people are complex. Their way of feeling reality is more intense, they are more empathetic, they connect more deeply with the emotions of others, they suffer from contradictions … Often, they also carry a long history of disappointments and all this makes it difficult to maintain their afective relationships.

Falling in love is for many a carousel of nervous emotions that are difficult to order. It is an intense chaos of happiness peppered at times, with the most unbearable of sadness, we know. However, something like this can be even more overwhelming for so-called “highly sensitive people” (PAS).

Remember, highly sensitive people occupy 20% of our population and include a series of psychological and emotional particularities, which differentiate them from the rest.

Characteristics of people with high sensitivity

The vision of the world of people with high sensitivity starts from the same heart, and although many describe it as a “gift”, sometimes this aura does not bring true happiness.

• They are intuitive, creative, they are able to perceive the emotions of others in all their nuances, but this in turn causes them to be more reactive, that is, they feel more affected and hurt by certain things than other people.
• Highly sensitive people sometimes enjoy their solitude much more, they prefer to undertake activities alone from where they can appreciate the world in its true reality. They have their own rhythm, their own time, very different from the accelerated materialism of the rest, where they do not always feel integrated.

• Likewise, studies such as those carried out in the Department of Psychological and Brain Sciences at the University of California, indicate that this profile also presents different sensory processing. This particularity of the brain makes them more sensitive to everything that happens in their environment.
• They are observant, intuitive, detailed, self-demanding, and have a lower threshold for pain.
• They are bothered by loud sounds, and it is even common to see small children who even suffer from certain clothing, certain friction or even voices.

As we can see, highly sensitive people have a more refined vision of reality but at the same time, this gift, this character trait, makes them much more vulnerable. Especially in love …

The relationships between PAS and non-PAS people

Since PAS people make up 20% of the population, it is normal for there to be numerous affective relationships with non-PAS people, that is, people who are not highly sensitive .

Obviously there are many individual differences, there are highly sensitive people who have decided that it is better to be alone given the incompatibilities, given the suffering that this causes.

There are cases in which this accumulation of sensations or emotions generates a high level of stress and anxiety that leads to physical pain. A pain so unbearable that it has made them value, that it is better “not to fall in love.”

But it must also be said that highly sensitive people fall in love easily. Its virtue to appreciate people in all their nuances, makes them feel immediately attracted and filled with that comforting energy that is physical and emotional attraction.

But they run several risks that must be taken into account:

Personality differences between PAS and non PAS people

If you are a highly sensitive person, it is possible that little by little you realize that your partner does not appreciate the same things that you like. Moreover, in your opinion, it does not reach the same emotional and intellectual depth as you.

• This will make you sometimes feel frustrated and that you come to demand certain things from your partner, which he simply cannot offer you or that he is not able to see or intuit.  
• You think that your personalities are so different that it is normal to feel disappointment, misunderstanding …

If you are a PAS person, you must bear in mind that others do not have to feel the world as you appreciate it. This, in turn, does not mean that the other person loves you less.

PAS people and their great affection

Another reality that tends to occur is that the highly sensitive person finds it difficult to monitor their personal limits and tends to have the tendency to offer everything to the other person, forgetting about themselves.

• It is a very big risk. Obviously it is wonderful to achieve that symbiotic union where we offer all our affection, all our emotions, time and experiences for the person we love …
• Now well, you have to protect yourself by taking care of the limits.
• If we give everything to the other person, we will lose our identity, and we will be even more vulnerable to any disappointment, to any slight, to any difference.
• Little by little frustration and disappointment may appear …
• These dimensions, for a person with such sensitivity and self-demand, can be very destructive.

Any failure or disappointment is experienced in a very traumatic way at all levels. Both physical and mental, running the risk of falling into depression.

Being a highly sensitive person can be a virtue

You have to consider this. Being a PAS person can be a virtue, a gift. However, it is actually a personality trait that requires self-knowledge.

Understand that other people will not feel what you feel, that they will not see what you see … but even so, they will also be able to love you and offer you that happiness that you also deserve.

Keep your self-esteem at a good level by enjoying who you are and how you are. Such sensitivity may at times be synonymous with suffering, but this is not always the case.

As you understand yourself better, you will see yourself more capable of surviving in this reality that sometimes does not look as sensitive as it should.

To conclude, do not hesitate to ask for expert help when you need it. Remember that you have at your disposal books such as those by Karina Zegers de Beijl and Elaine Aron to work out daily strategies to gain well-being and self-knowledge.