Assertive Indifference, What It Is And How It Works

Assertive indifference is a new expression that began to be used in the field of couple relationships. However, little by little the concept has been used in other fields, proving to be an interesting idea to manage various situations.

It is defined as assertive indifference to a behavior  that voluntarily blocks any type of external reaction, in the face of a given stimulus. As if it didn’t matter or didn’t affect in any way. This is simulated behavior. The purpose is not to reveal to another what you are feeling.

What is sought with assertive indifference, ultimately, is not to expose real emotions to another. At first it might seem like a form of pretense or manipulation. However, it is quite the opposite. The idea is to avoid showing weaknesses or weaknesses so as not to be manipulated by others, in conditions in which there is a power game. That is why the label “assertive” is given to this form of indifference.

Assertive indifference in the love arena

The couple’s ground is sometimes a rose garden, but sometimes it is also a battlefield. There are many elements of power that go into it. We are not just referring to the proverbial machismo that prevails in almost everyone. The woman also acts as a power figure on many occasions.

One of the moments in which this becomes palpable is in what many call the “groping”. That is, when one of the members of the couple wants to test how much influence they have on the other. This happens especially at the beginning of the relationship. It also happens when the couple ends, without much conviction, and one of the two wants to measure what chances they have to try again.

It is a kind of pulse of forces. In that case, assertive nonchalance can be a good answer. Pretending that you do not feel anything, either to prevent the manipulation from taking place, or to prevent a link that we have already terminated from being restarted. It is not a deception as such, but a tactic to achieve a higher good.

Assertive indifference and conflicting links

Assertive indifference is also an appropriate response when there are persistent conflicting links. For example, when you have a co-worker with whom you systematically have differences that lead to discomfort. You know there is no case. For some reason, for that person it is necessary to generate contradictions with you.

If you see that dialogue is impossible, the best option is assertive indifference. It means not giving in to provocations, ignoring offensive comments, and ultimately giving up a genuine bond with that person. The objective is not to offer a response to the stimuli that are proposed to you and that in the end only lead you to acidic and useless situations.

Over time, assertive nonchalance becomes a way to defuse the harmful behavior of the other. Seeing that he does not find an answer in the insane game that he tries to pose, sooner or later he abandons this type of behavior. They become inefficient.

A tool to avoid situations

Assertive indifference is also applicable to conflictive day-to-day situations. Differences with others are part of the routine. Most of the time such differences are really insignificant. However, they sometimes lead to larger confrontations. One way or another, we constantly have to decide whether to take a difference to another level or not.

Deciding properly what is important and what is not is part of assertiveness. Such assertiveness is precisely that social skill that allows you to defend your rights effectively. Put a limit on abuse. But for it to become affective, you also have to learn to distinguish when the essentials of your rights are at risk and when they are not.

Not every conflictive situation warrants a reaction on our part. That “letting go” is part of assertive indifference. It implies an assessment in which what brings us more benefits and fewer negative consequences is put on the balance. Responding to the aggression of a drunk person, for example, is only valid if it really endangers some fundamental good.

Assertive indifference, then, is a tool to manage different conflict situations, intelligently. Sometimes the best we can do is do nothing. In fact, to be able to do nothing, when it is convenient, points this valuable concept.