Authentic People Speak Without Fear

Authentic people speak without fear. They say what they think and act accordingly. But for this they need to know how, when, to whom and why to tell things in their own way. They must dominate the spaces and the tone of voice. In short, they must have what we call Social Skills.

Social Skills are much more than expressing opinions. Social Skills are used to interact and relate to others in an effective and satisfactory way. They are our way of showing ourselves to the world, they are our social identity card. They show our essence as human beings.

Furthermore, the lack of social competence can be a central deficit or be at the base of many psychological disorders. Therefore, they are not only important if we want to be authentic people, they are also important for our psychological well-being and for our relationship with our environment.

Authentic people know how to listen

Authentic people think before they speak and listen carefully to their interlocutor. They are empathic with the other when they are in a conversation. They understand that two people do not have to share an opinion, but we all have the right to be heard with the same respect.

Knowing how to listen is an art and a skill that can be learned. Knowing how to listen implies, from attending and answering what the other person is saying to you, to respecting your turn to speak and maintaining a proper body posture. Some of the keys to being a good interlocutor are the following:

• Keep an open body language: visually contact the sender and relax facial expression. Nod from time to time so she can tell you are holding your attention. Don’t cross your arms or legs because those little physical barriers can discourage other people from approaching you.
• Don’t interrupt the conversation: It may be tempting to finish the other person’s sentence to show that you understand the message or to explain why you think they are wrong, but this may seem rude of you. Out of politeness, we should bite our tongues until the other person has finished speaking.
• Encourage dialogue: the most powerful word in a conversation is: “tell me.” People feel good when you ask them pertinent questions and actively listen to their responses. This will show the sender that we are understanding their words and will empathize with us.

• Give the floor: a dialogue is not a monologue. Get the other person involved in the conversation by asking questions or coming up with topics of interest to discuss, but never monopolize the conversation.

Authentic people don’t always please others

Authentic people don’t always please others because they know how to say yes or no when necessary. They know how to agree and disagree in all situations and do not feel guilty about it. They master a part of Social Skills called ASSERTIVENESS.

Assertiveness is a form of communication that consists of defending your rights, expressing your opinions and making suggestions honestly, without falling into aggressiveness or passivity; respecting others, but above all respecting your own needs.

It is a very important skill, because expressing your true feelings and standing up for your rights can be wonderfully comforting. When you say what you want, regardless of whether you get it or not, you manage to live more authentically and happily.

The first step to being more assertive is to acknowledge what you feel and want to communicate. If you are sincere and understand that the other cannot read your mind, nothing you say will be wrong. Of course, always respect the turns to speak and remember that you are going to defend “your truth” not “the absolute truth”: think that you always start from your point of view that has the same value as that of the other interlocutor.

Regarding the tone of voice, keeping it in a suitable tone away from the shouting helps to reaffirm the opinion. Keep in mind that no more yelling will make you more right; what’s more, the shouting tends to detract from the message. The same happens with distance management, if you get too close you can seem aggressive and make communication difficult, respect interpersonal space.

Social Skills are LEARNED

If you want to be an authentic person and you don’t master any of the skills listed here, don’t worry: Social Skills are learned. They are not innate skills, they are acquired through observation and experience. This development occurs mainly in childhood, the first years of life are essential for learning these skills.

But this does not mean that once adults we cannot learn them. There are numerous programs within psychology that serve to teach Social Skills. Most combine direct social experiences, imitation, and reinforcement for their learning.

So, if you want to be an authentic person but you do not have or do not master Social Skills, go to the psychologist and follow the steps that I show you in this article. And you will finally be able to be an authentic person and speak without fear.