How Are You? A Question With Great Value

Feeling that those around us are busy with their own affairs, with no time for anything else, is a common feeling for many people. Today’s life has a hectic pace and the days disappear from the calendar at a good speed. It is difficult for almost all of us to make a stop along the way, leave “shoulds and duties” parked for a moment and think about those around us.

Sometimes just a How are you? it can become the gateway to intimacy with the people we love. However, sometimes we are so focused on ourselves, on how we are doing at work, in college or on how we are going to approach our next projects, that we lose the north .

When someone looks us in the eye and sincerely asks us how we are, we usually feel that feeling of joy that comes from feeling recognized, transcendent, relevant, deserving.

If we stop to think about this reality, we will realize that other vital areas are much more superficial and that the reinforcement they can provide us is more ephemeral. However, social support is deep and highly rewarding. Without social support it is difficult, for example, good self-esteem.

The value of a how are you?

The courage to ask someone how are you? in a transparent and frank way it is deposited in the words, but it does not reside in them. Their importance stems from the interest they reveal. Noticing that another person cares about us feeds our self-esteem. It is something inherent to the human being.

Millions of years ago, if we were not accepted into our tribe, we had a good chance of not surviving in an environment plagued with beasts and adversity. However, teaming up with others of our same species, we guaranteed that survival.

On the other hand, it is not a purely two-way question. That is, if I want to increase the probability that others are interested in me, ask me how I feel and give me their help when I need it, obviously I have to do the same with them.

But in a genuine way and not for convenience pending the return. This point is very important because it reflects sincere love for others. If this does not happen, I will hardly find my expectations of how others should behave with me satisfied. If we want to receive love, we must give it ourselves first.

Steps to undertake genuine interest

Taking an interest in others and being interested in us is not a goal of a simple journey. As we have explained before, sometimes the pace is so fast that it is very difficult to get out of trouble to look around us. Inertia invites us to remain focused, to maintain our tunnel vision.

In this dynamic, it is not uncommon for us to wake up one day and realize that the people who counted on us no longer do so. We have told them that not many times, we have prioritized them far less.

To broaden our view, we can take a series of steps that rescue the manifestation of our genuine interest in others.

• Force yourself to ask at least two people every day how are you? or How is life going? You can use it as an exercise to see if you are really capable. People tend to monopolize conversations with others by talking a lot about ourselves: our work, our partner, our children. This ” yo-yoism ” does not allow us to de-center ourselves, learn from others and promote help if the other feels frustrated or unhappy.

• Think that being interested in others makes you happier. Many times we put happiness in banal things. We think “I will be happy when I find the job of my dreams”, “I will be happy when the opposition passes”, “I will be happy when I get married”. It is true that all these reasons generate a certain well-being and it could be said, happiness. We agree on that. The problem is that as soon as we adapt to the new situation, a new “baseline” is created in us and we need something more again. It is an ephemeral well-being. However, maintaining social relationships based on loyalty and truth keeps us happy most of the time.

• Everything comes back. When you become someone who shows concern for others, your world changes. If before everyone seemed to go “on their ball”, now you will realize that you receive more messages, more calls, more visits and ultimately, more attention. Reciprocity occurs. This union with others brings us numerous benefits: it increases our self-esteem, our psychological well-being, it helps us in our projects, we can learn new things and it even increases our immune system.
• Get out of your own business. Sometimes focusing on other people can be a relief. When you are alone with your own story, you can end up exhausted. Try from time to time to evade yourself and rest by embarking on the stories of others. It may be more interesting than you think. Ask your foreign coworker why he decided to live in your city, ask your mother why she fell in love with your father or why they chose your name and not others. Sometimes other people’s stories can surprise you.

• Take action. Start today to ask your environment How are you? And not only that: act with your behaviors. Invite a family member you haven’t seen for a long time to a coffee, say something to a worker that you see tired or encourage him, listen to a friend without interrupting him, smile at your neighbor in the elevator, today you take a snack to work and share it . There are many things you can do to lean towards others. Remember: like the boomerang effect, (almost) everything comes back.

As you can see, the authentic interest in others often turns into a deep well-being towards oneself. Happiness comes largely from the accompaniment of our peers and therefore it is necessary to cultivate this attention.

A sincere look, a gesture of reaching out and a feeling that without words, is capable of saying “here I am if you need me” can be more valuable than anything else material. Decentralizing ourselves makes us free, human and consequently, people immersed in relationships based on love and truth. Isn’t it worth trying?