How To Alleviate The Effects Of A Guilt That Prevents You From Moving Forward

We live in a cultural environment that tries to impose certain behavioral guidelines . We are told that there are rewards and punishments for our actions. And when we make a mistake or do something contrary to that “should be” or simply stop doing it, the feeling of guilt appears. Then our problems begin.

In any space we find that kind of norms. In the family, work, school, everyday life. At all times our decisions go through that kind of code of behavior in charge of differentiating what is correct from what is incorrect. A morality that accompanies us as we become social subjects.

Even sometimes things seem to go further. For example, in some religions such as the Catholic, believers are born with a debt called “original sin”, which can only be erased through the sacrament of baptism. We are found guilty before coming into the world and we do not know what the reason is for being singled out in that way.

The ideal is not to let ourselves be paralyzed by the feeling of guilt. It is good to recognize mistakes, reflect, learn. But it is not healthy to carry that guilt all your life. Thus no one would be able to grow personally and achieve their goals. If there is something dangerous, it is a feeling of guilt so strong that it ends up ruling our lives.

Do not judge yourself so harshly, or allow others to be your executioners

We are always pending social approval. Many times we are not able to take a single step without taking into account what others say. And our existence, instead of being a treasure, becomes a cold, dark, hopeless place. We isolate ourselves, we dare not give any kind of opinion and we do everything possible to become invisible.

The situation is complicated when we disappoint someone or ourselves. Regardless of who is right, the first thing that is imposed on us is to assume a guilt that leads us to judge ourselves in a way, sometimes cruel and ruthless. Thus, self-confidence and self-esteem take a brutal blow.

It may also happen that it is others who are in charge of telling us that our behavior is not appropriate and that they impose an unfair, arbitrary and disproportionate sanction on us. Inevitably, the only ones hurt will be us. Think that we deserve the respect we give because that is one of the guarantees for coexistence.

No one has the right to deny you a second chance; not even yourself. Assuming mistakes is a noble act and one that enriches you spiritually. We are all on an equal footing. So that a guilt does not become an obstacle, it is necessary that you forgive yourself, know how to forgive and understand that your peers have no power over you.

Let the guilt stay in the past and start walking in the present

Many confuse the phrase “whoever forgets his story is condemned to repeat it” (attributed to the Spanish poet Jorge Agustín Nicolás Ruiz). They find in her a reason to remain in the past. While it is necessary to remember to avoid making the same mistakes, it is also true that no one can grow up dragging the burden of what could have been and was not.

Perhaps one of the most frequent mistakes is getting stuck in the past. We behave like a prisoner sentenced to life imprisonment. So far we have come and nothing and no one can get us out of this physical and spiritual paralysis. From now on, that guilt will dominate each of our actions until we become frustrated people.

We are a construction in time and space. Our life is very short compared to the distances in the universe. Here we measure the passage of time in seconds, minutes and hours. Then in days in nights. And we end up with cycles of weeks, months and years. The earth is nothing more than a pale blue dot in an infinity of time, as Carl Sagan described it.

If we look at the past in a constructive way, the feeling of guilt will disappear and we will be able to get out of the stagnation. It is the only way to mature. If, on the contrary, we let that past corner us and impose itself on our present, we will have no chance of moving forward. We are architects of our destiny because the future is in our hands.

Images courtesy Patt Brannaghan