I Allow Myself The Luxury Of Pushing Away What Exhausts My Patience

In the mid-1970s, a series of laboratory experiments carried out by Robert Zajonc showed that the mere exposure of individuals to familiar stimuli was enough for them to be scored in a more positive way, compared to similar stimuli that nevertheless they had not been introduced. This effect is known as the “mere exposure” or “familiarity effect” and is something on which advertising investment essentially relies.

That is to say, this experiment came to say that even if something is not very attractive, we are going to get used to its presence by the mere fact of becoming familiar with it. However, human psychology is somewhat more complex. At a certain point, even if something comes up many times, it can stop being familiar to us and become burdensome, heavy and demotivating.

That saying that “we can get used to even the worst” does not always seem to be true in reality . There are events that have weakened our patience and we want them to stop being familiar, we want that discomfort out of our lives. It is the luxury of getting away from what exhausts your patience. It is a luxury, because sometimes it is out of our reach and because its benefits turn out to be a complete elixir of serenity and calm.

Putting our patience to the limit: a not fun game

There are many capabilities that are amazing when put to the test in extreme situations. The same is not the case with patience, that capacity that seems to be exhausted and consumed with certain people and situations that play with it to the limit too often.

People who continually ask for “forgiveness”, who justify continuous absentmindedness, out of tune and lack of consideration. Monotonous and eternal situations, which are reproduced in time over and over again, varying in form but not in substance: you always end up exhausted, sore and irritated.

All this accumulation of sensations leads us to an obvious reflection in theory but not so much in practice: playing with our patience is not fun at all, it is exhausting and frustrating. To “turn a blind eye” over and over again regarding attitudes that harm us is the opposite of assertiveness, it is emotional masochism.

Value my patience, over the years it is an energy that runs out

Before analyzing and judging what satisfies our patience, we should analyze ourselves. If you re-expose yourself time and time again to what irritates you, you are exposing yourself to the naked body to a battalion of increasingly sharp knives, each time more precise and accurate in the damage they cause you.

If you already know what you have to do and don’t do it, it is not someone else’s responsibility, but your own. You already know what you are exposing yourself to, receiving a new disappointment is a matter of time. You are playing Russian roulette with your patience and dignity. Even if you think you do it to avoid conflict with people you appreciate, you are giving carte blanche to anyone who does not take you into consideration.

Patience is a capacity, therefore, limited. It is a virtue when we put it at the service of something that we are interested in achieving in the long term or when we need it greatly in exceptional situations, such as a big tantrum from a child or enduring a long delay from someone with whom we had arranged to meet.

Therefore, patience should not define us, but characterize us : I have patience for what deserves it or for which I find no other remedy. I have no patience for things that continually twitch me for no apparent reason, expecting absolute complacency and silence from me. That is not being patient, that is hurting me unnecessarily, without having any more certain reward than pain.

Set limits to others so that our patience does not reach its limit

The key to conserving our patience in what needs it is, therefore, not to waste it with what does not require it. If a friend always changes our plans at her convenience, if a coworker is late without exception or if someone lies to us on a regular basis, we must make her see that we do not like her behavior and that we are not willing to continue tolerating it.

Silence regarding attitudes and behaviors that harm us makes us accomplices of the pain that others cause us. Kindness and patience have a limit and it is the loss of the naivety of assuming that things are going to change on their own, without us taking sides in the situation that affects us directly.

Getting away from what exhausts your patience is a luxury and a good decision, because we do not have to go back down the roads in which we mostly always find excuses, lies, inconsideration or contempt. Wanting to keep your patience is loving yourself.

Some will be shocked to cut their losses, since they lack a sense of self-criticism and are not aware that your patience is a limited good and that the energy to endure continuous rudeness has to be used for something better.

Patience should be directed to something that does not always return discomfort and nervousness. As familiar as that has been in our lives, everyone has the ability to say “this far” or “I don’t want to take this one more time.” Our patience is a value, but also a beacon that identifies people who only put it to the test.