I Prefer Honest Distances To Hypocritical Neighborhoods

In environments where hypocrites abound, the sincere are the bad guys and the truth is the great enemy. Therefore, honest distances will always be preferable when our values ​​collide with that sibylline closeness that brings masks of kindness and golden armor behind which false people hide.

Some may not know that scientists, sociologists and biologists have wanted to call the current period “Anthropocene” (new man) rather than Holocene. The intention is simple and even inspiring: to emphasize a period where humanity aims to achieve a higher “quota” in terms of intelligence, social cohesion, harmony, respect and awareness.

However, such interesting books as Anthropozoology “, embracing coherence in the Anthropocene” by scientists Michael Tobias Charles and Jane Gray Morrison, speak to us precisely of a very specific dimension: the hypocrisy of the human being. We are still that race of vertebrates used to preaching one thing and doing another.

We suffer from a nature deficit disorder and furthermore, it is still very difficult for us to favor that coexistence of one with the other, leaving aside cultural, social or gender differences. We all know that it is not easy to establish a distance in front of who does not like us or makes us uncomfortable.

Sometimes, we are forced to share space with that family member of extreme ideas, or even with that manager who does not fit our same moral principles. However, what we can do is create adequate self-protection spaces where we never fall into the insane exercise of hypocrisy.

In the kingdom of hypocrisy only the strongest survive

Achilles said in The Iliad that if there was something that bothered him much more than the gates of Hades, it was the people who said one thing and did another. Well, it is quite possible that all of us have close to a person plated with this material that is so abundant in the era of the Anthropocene.

What we may not know is that hypocrites should not be held solely and exclusively responsible for their behavior. Hypocrisy is much more than the classic dissonance between our guiding ideas and our behaviors.

Sometimes the environment that surrounds us forces us to do so. Every day we are faced with a huge vital puzzle, the pieces are scattered and we are forced to survive on these complex “social surfaces”. Almost without realizing it, we end up doing things that do not harmonize with our principles, ideas or convictions.

This is what Leo Festinger defined as cognitive dissonance, that is, experiencing a disharmony or a conflict between our system of ideas, beliefs and emotions (cognitions) with our own behaviors.

Two types of dissonance

Despite the fact that a good part of our society is fertile ground for us to behave as hypocrites created in a mold, in reality, we can differentiate two types. On the one hand, there are those who suffer from this cognitive dissonance and decide to set limits to find an adequate harmony between what is thought and what is done.

On the other hand, there are many who simply understand life in this way. Dissonance ceases to exist to give way to a firm and clear cognition of what is done makes full sense and above all … a purpose.

Without a doubt, the most correct thing would be for us to establish a security cordon ourselves and to move far enough apart not to meet again.

But, if that person is a family member, a co-worker or a boss, it may not be so easy to buy the ticket of no return. In these more complicated cases, the rule of the three “Rs” will be very useful :

• Do not “reinforce”: hypocrites can and have every right to make life around you, but we will never reinforce their behaviors. The ideal is to be as aseptic as possible with them, not having deep conversations where they reveal intimacies and not giving too much importance to what they can say.

• “Respect him and respect yourself” : let the hypocrite be as he wants, to do what he wants, but always in his own sphere, never let him enter yours. Respect yourself and give it the right importance without letting your attitude affect you.

• Don’t “give up” on your values. Sometimes, when we spend a lot of time in a scenario full of hypocrisy, it is common to fall into these same behaviors at some point. Remember your values ​​and principles and defend them even if the rest do not understand or approve of them.

Last but not least, always remember that hypocrisy is camouflaged with kindness when something suits you. Learn to be intuitive and cautious, and if the opportunity finally happens, do not hesitate to put an adequate distance where you can recover your emotional and psychological fullness.

Images courtesy of Rebecca Dautremer