I Was Scared And Confused, But I Felt Alive

The great amount of things that we lose out of fear of losing. Sometimes when you look back you realize that the stages of your life in which everything was controlled are the ones that you least remember, and those in which everything was “upside down” and full of confusion, instability and changes are the ones that They dispense with feelings just by remembering an image, a song or a look from the time that you lived immersed in them.

It seems that in this life it is true that you can go years without living at all and then your life concentrating on a single instant. As if all your dreams, desires, passions and aspirations are concentrated with all the truth in a single second.

It is the stages that we feel as chaotic that put us to the test, those that express the best and worst of our essence and that seem to harbor endless tests and teachings for each of us that can only be structured with meaning when they are already done. we have left behind.

What heartbreaking confusion it seemed to me before and how much I miss it now

How many times have I cursed going through adversity at a certain time, and now, when everything seems so inert sometimes is when I realize that only the memories of that roller coaster of emotions lived in the past are what bring me reality and hope to my present.

Hope for reliving them, reality and the conviction that what will come will be different, and I will also be different. Neither better nor worse, but what has already passed through our lives should never be plagiarized, but lived in its fullness and with its differences.

It is not good to feel a perpetual nostalgia for something from the past, but it  is wonderful to have numerous times in your life that make you nostalgic, because that is a sign that you have lived things that have been worthwhile, and that your trip is making sense.

But at the same time, it is normal to feel pressure or fear for what may come in the future … the eternal questions of do I have the same illusion? Will I be as strong in the future as I was before? Is what awaits me better or will it be worse? Sometimes we answer them in silence, not quite sure what to say to ourselves.

I want it to continue to be worth it, I want to continue to feel alive

Without losing sight of everything we have experienced, if we want the new that happens to also cause us excitement and illusion, we undoubtedly realize that every new stage arises from a standstill, where the marches can never be preselected. The addresses must be new, they must be a new challenge and this can never cause laziness, but rather intrigue.

If we insist on reviving the nostalgia that floods us, we can fall into unbridled disappointment:  what was new before is not new, and what used to cause me vertigo and give me energy; now it is a straight landscape and already out of date. It is therefore that who does not risk does not win, and it is necessary to do it many times along the way … before the road is no longer pleasant and we get trapped in it.

But sometimes it is not easy to move on if the path does not excite you how to start it. It is not easy when everything seems like a vulgar replica of what you have experienced before. It’s not easy when you only see comfort in one option and mindless restlessness in another.

Therefore, as sometimes it is not easy to choose which path to choose, I have decided to bet on what has never failed me: to follow the instinct to immerse myself in a meaningful restlessness in my life. Only in this way, the nostalgia dissipates and my life and its fullness reappear.

I’m not going to be afraid of anything, because the biggest fear is that everything still seems the same to me

So I am going to apply one of the great conclusions that I have drawn from everything I have lived: You only learn with what you face, and if fear can … you end up losing it.

It is not about being a lost soul, with no goals or dreams to achieve. It’s about losing yourself sometimes to find your soul again. It is not a matter of choosing one way or another, but the way to do it. Reopen your eyes when you see and your ears when you listen because it seems that the melody is different again.

To dare to bet again with little in your favor … that’s what it is all about,  betting on life is sometimes giving without knowing what you are going to receive. To return to the path of life is to know how to tolerate uncertainty, walk with your fears and ghosts of the past, with your nostalgia on your back and face with the innocence of a child everything you see coming to you when you go forward.

To feel alive again is to feel fear and confusion, but it is always worth it. That is what we are here for, to go through life before it passes over us without even realizing it.