I Will Not Allow This Sadness To Take Away Who I Am

Yes, today I woke up sad. Sometimes I do not know if it is anxiety, disappointment or stupor at what is happening around me. I don’t know, but sometimes I just feel sad. Sheltering these sensations and letting them happen inside me has sometimes been a crime in a society that imposes joy as an order of life (and of consumption to obtain it).

However, I understand that there is something beyond this sadness. I am the one who holds it. I am ME, the person capable of knowing if what I feel takes away from me what I am, my consciousness of being, of power, of wanting.

But I’m not going to let sadness take what I am from me. I am not going to act literally according to what my anguish tells me because if she lives it is because I exist. Therefore, she cannot be stronger than me. I will continue fighting, even if she is in my guts, in my temples … I will listen to her sometimes in case she has something else to say to me, other times I will just let her be. But the permission is given by me.

I feel sad and this is me too

I am not a game won beforehand. I am a board in which black and white pieces coexist. Temporary sensations, which I harbor at times, as if they guide my steps and dictate everything I do; although my identity always prevails. Interestingly, it is these feelings of sadness that guide me to a teaching. I withdraw into my solitude, with the frigid and deafening silence. I listen to myself. I need to feel that way sometimes to understand and grow.

I’m not going to decide anything while sad, but I will save the teachings of this feeling for when I feel brave. Sadness has taught me so many things and so valuable that I do not want to eliminate it or make it disappear.

I want it to arise in me. As long as I live, I want to harbor it as a feeling in its own right. I don’t want to fake it, violate it. I don’t want coups for my feelings . All are valid because from me they arise and from me they are nourished. I am important to them, I am the protagonist of their existence and they make me aware that I exist.

I’m going to see what happens, what comes out of here, from this sadness … If I hold on or fall. The only thing I feel is that in the end I don’t see myself as something ordinary. It is the moment of greatest connection with what I feel.

When I experience sadness as something natural, creativity comes out of my pockets, my shoes, my looks and my sighs. The bigger the pain, the bigger I am because for the first time the feeling sustains me instead of the expectations of the rest.

I will not let sadness stop me from fighting for my values

My beliefs are my compass. The rest is just the shape that I find in the landscape. Along the way, I will meet people who will mistake kindness for naivety, sincerity for impertinence, and sadness for weakness. None of this will prevent me from achieving my goals, which in turn are reflections of my values.

Every day I will take a step forward to achieve it. Some days my sadness will prevent me from almost touching the ground with my feet. Others it will seem like a light walk. And sometimes, a race that is too fast and little assimilated.

However, a day came when I became aware that sometimes in the purest joy, the arrival of a certain sadness amplified life, took roots that made me take the impulse to water them, take care of them and make them grow. And from there, the most beautiful gardens emerged to take care of.