Is It Selfish To Look Out For Me?
To know how to say “I love you”, first you have to say “I” …
The origin of looking for me, egocentricity
From the earliest childhood, children only know how to look for themselves, the world revolves around them, and nothing is more important than them. Perhaps it is this situation, the basis of the confusion about the concept of selfishness.
This, which attracts us so much attention in children and even that we punish at times, is called self-centeredness. The boy and the girl believe they are the center of the world. And it is a normal characteristic of the evolution of the human being, of the growth and the discovery of everything that surrounds them.
The child grows, matures, and little by little, recognizes that the world of others also exists, and takes responsibility for their actions and their consequences.
From self-centeredness to self-esteem
When we are born, we are dependent, physically, psychologically, and emotionally. For survival, the human being seeks what he needs, and from childhood, the human being needs to be cared for, cared for, protected and to feel safe.
For this, the egocentric attitude fulfills this function, since the child focuses on himself and his needs, because his instinct tells him that in order to grow up healthy and happy, he needs to know that others estimate, love him and him. they listen. For this reason, his intellectual capacity is not prepared to assume that other people also have needs, his own criteria and his way of seeing the world, different from those he has.
Although, evolution itself enables us to understand that there are other people, with other needs than our own. At the same time, we are having an image and a self-concept, increasingly clear about ourselves.
And it is precisely if we feel good about ourselves, and if we have adequate self-esteem, when the relationship with others, and respect for their needs, will be adequate and satisfactory.
A healthy self-esteem, healthy relationships
If their needs have been met since childhood, the child will grow up emotionally healthy, with a healthy self-image, and adequate self-esteem. Therefore, from the well-being and personal balance, there are many possibilities to maintain healthy, altruistic, delivered social relationships and taking others into account.
Look for myself, away from selfishness
As we said before, looking for oneself is instinctive in the human being since childhood.
And from now on, as adults, if we have achieved adequate self-esteem, that means loving ourselves, seeking well-being, our own happiness, satisfying individual needs, since we do not expect, nor do we depend on anyone to do it for us. And from that well-being and balance, look out for others, take them into account, respect them and help them.
It will be a choice of each person, although we know that if a person feels satisfied with himself, and loves himself, it is easier for him to decide to love, and satisfy others. Since, as a popular saying goes, ” you can’t give what you don’t have. “
For this reason, looking for oneself, or “positive selfishness”, as some authors call it, is not only far from selfishness , understood as not looking for others, but looking for oneself, is very close to having in account to those around us.
