Kindness That Destroys You
It stands to reason that most people feel better interacting with people who show kindness than with someone who is bitter or quarrelsome. However, there are people who seem to take pride in being considered the best-hearted, the kindest, and the “most friends” for being so kind.
The question is: can you be nice to everyone, in all situations? There are people who often misinterpret prudence and kindness and abuse “their friends” who are good people. And there are also those who, being kind, cannot bear a slight.
Sure, it feels good to be nice, but you can’t leave your own interests behind to look good to others. You can’t try to make others happy all the time while feeling miserable yourself.
Kindness has a limit: learning to say “no”
Busy people often feel guilty about not having time to do many of the things they would like to do. And to feel better, they usually solve the problems of others or take on the responsibilities of others.
Don’t be pressured or blackmailed. There are many people who take advantage of the kindness of others to achieve their purposes, regardless of what is good for others. Find balance by making the decision to do what someone else asks you to do for them.
There is no reason to be inconsiderate, either, but there is nothing wrong with refusing to do something you don’t want or can’t do for others. It is good to learn to follow what your common sense tells you is the best for you and to be able to say “no” whenever necessary.
Do not feel guilty, or offer a thousand apologies
Are you one of those who feels guilty when interposing your interests to those of others? Do you usually offer a thousand apologies because you couldn’t do a favor to someone who you have done a thousand favors before? Try to think of yourself. If this time you could not offer your help, it is because you want to spend your time on something important to you. And that can’t be bad.
Although it sounds bad to you, your own interests must be prioritized. Sure, as long as you don’t affect third parties. If you act in line with what is important to you, the people around you will notice. You will see that they will stop requesting favors that they well know you cannot take care of.
Do you have low self-esteem?
It’s hard to accept, but the reality is that people with low self-esteem tend to be overly nice. If you show exaggerated kindness, a self-analysis can help. It will help you to know what makes you overly helpful to others.
Self-confidence is essential to achieve what one wants in life. To the extent that you stop giving in to everything others ask of you, you will prevent them from taking advantage of your goodness. That is a firm step toward self-confidence.
It is not difficult to stop being “the kindest person in the world. ” Acquire confidence in yourself, correct that behavior little by little and you will see that the world follows its course with greater benefit for your personal purposes.
Of course being nice is not bad. What’s more, we would need many more kind people in this world. Therefore, don’t think about changing your natural tendency to be a nice and caring person. Simply, if this is your case, try to modify your inclination to undervalue yourself and put your own interests at risk. When you stop doing things that matter to you and make you happy, for doing other tasks that make others happy but not you, we have a problem.
If you think that people are “abusing” your extreme kindness and you don’t see yourself capable of saying no, consider going to a specialist. This can help you detect in which situations you are most vulnerable and what you can change in order to feel better about yourself.
