Self-esteem Or Self-respect?

Self-esteem is popular, but self-respect is less so. On the other hand, although sometimes it seems that one and the other go hand in hand, this is not always the case: while self-esteem involves conscious and unconscious aspects, self-respect is basically rational.

Sometimes it is more important to set standards of self-respect, even if we are not entirely comfortable with ourselves. In other words, we may not appreciate ourselves as much as we should, but that does not mean that we cannot appropriate self-respect guidelines to protect ourselves and avoid the traps of low self-esteem.

The word respect  comes from the Latin word “respectus”, which means “attention and consideration”. Self-respect, therefore, has to do with being attentive to ourselves and providing us with a kind and dignified treatment. If we cannot love each other very much, in any case we can learn to respect each other.

Respect and self-respect

We have all met someone we do not like very much, but whom we respect. Perhaps because of their age, their knowledge, their dignity or any other factor, the truth is that we take their opinions and wishes into account, and we also treat that person with consideration.

If we can do that with others, why can’t we do it with ourselves? From childhood they teach us that we must respect others. Almost all of us have received a punishment or a sanction for not acting with the respect that the circumstances or the people around us deserved. What they don’t always teach us is that we should also respect ourselves.

When there is no good basic self-esteem, we come to believe that we are less important or valuable than others. In one way or another, we get used to seeing ourselves as people who do not deserve further attention or consideration. This erroneous belief and this automatic habit lead us not to cultivate self-respect and the consequence of this is very negative for us.

Lack of respect for ourselves

One of the first philosophers to speak of self-respect was Aristotle. This famous thinker pointed out that respecting oneself means acting in such a way that we promote our autonomy, independence, self-control and tenacity.

At the same time, there are also some signs that the respect that we owe ourselves is not present. The behaviors that tell us about this are, among others:

• Labeling us negatively. Sometimes we define ourselves using a label for what we are. We feel like “the fat man”, or “the fool”, or “the failure”. The worst thing is that we tend to lead others to see us from that stereotype.

• Severity and harshness with ourselves. Instead of being considerate of ourselves, we continually whip and treat ourselves severely for any mistakes or loopholes we have.
• We attach greater importance to the needs of others. We prioritize others and we tend to place ourselves in the second, third or last plane. We have our attention focused on others and we avoid listening to ourselves.
• We are silent so as not to disturb. The silence that implies repression is never positive. Wanting to say something and keeping quiet just to satisfy the needs of others is disrespectful to us. We all have the right to say what we think and feel and if others are uncomfortable, it is something that escapes our hands.
• We do not claim our rights. Even if we see and feel that we are victims of an unfair act or inconsiderate treatment, we remain silent because it seems to us that we have no right to complain.

Cultivate self-respect

Self-respect, as we said at the beginning, is a topic more related to reason than to other aspects of our being. For this reason, there are ways to cultivate it and mechanisms to constantly enrich it. Just as disrespecting us becomes a habit, respecting us can also become a habit.

The first thing we must do is reflect on equality. Human beings are different from each other in many ways, except for rights. These shelter us all equally by the mere fact that we are human beings. Therefore, there is no reason to deny us those rights, or to allow others to deny them.

Second, but not least, is learning to be loyal to ourselves. This means tolerating ourselves, understanding ourselves, and being consistent with what we want. It is important to learn to be our best friends. Working on self-respect greatly improves the relationships we have with others, because it improves the relationship we have with ourselves.