The Couple Bubble According To Stan Tatkin

Stan Tatkin is a clinical psychologist who developed the Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy (PACT). Thus, for many years, he has focused on the study of those people who want to be in a relationship and the way in which they build their relationships. This has allowed him to use a concept: the partner bubble.

What is the partner bubble for Stan Tatkin? This is what we will discover throughout this article, although we can give some previous information. Broadly speaking, these agreements would mean that the members of a relationship “agree” in some way, either explicitly or implicitly. For example, fidelity.

The principles of the partner bubble

To deal with the concept of the couple bubble, as Stan Tatkin has wanted to convey it, we will be guided by the book that he has written, Connected for love . In it he treats this term in a profound way. Describing it and exposing the principles that it considers that should be present in the couple bubble.

Something that Stan Tatkin makes clear from the beginning is that the relationship bubble is something that all members of a relationship must work on. In addition, serious problems appear in the relationship when the members of the couple are at different levels. That is, I cannot always give always and never receive. In these types of circumstances, which tend to be more frequent than we think, the bursting of the bubble is assured.

1. The “you first” does not work

One of the first principles of Stan Tatkin’s partner bubble is:  letting the partner take the first step and then acting on it is not something feasible. The construction of this bubble begins by giving the best of oneself, thus guaranteeing the safety, well-being and happiness of the people who share it with us.

In addition, in this unconditional giving, always aligned with our values,  we will have the opportunity to see how the other person is acting. Are you breaking the bubble? Are you contributing your bit to build it?

2. Security in the couple

This is another of the principles that Stan Tatkin deals with in his book and that is that there must be fluid communication in order to know how to give the other person that security that they so much need in the relationship. Also here would enter a little fears and everything that has been lived previously that affects future relationships.

For example, if one of the members of the relationship has suffered many infidelities, he may need certain signs that this is not going to happen in the relationship he is currently in. What will be determined to achieve that security is something that must be agreed with the couple.

3. Don’t break the bubble

The third of the principles would be to avoid breaking the bubble that you are trying to build in your relationship. How is this achieved? Taking the other person into account, making them feel important, giving them quality time and giving them that much-needed security to build a foundation of trust.

When certain recriminations appear in relationships such as “you don’t take me into account”, “you are always with your friends” or “you are no longer the same person I knew”, this should put us on alert. The couple bubble is about to burst and a decision needs to be made about it. Analyze what is going wrong in the relationship or let it end up breaking down.

4. Protect the bubble

This is the last of the principles for maintaining a pair bubble. However, as Stan Tatkin points out in his book, this does not mean that couples should become codependent. Quite the opposite. A healthy relationship that builds a healthy bubble advocates closeness and independence at the same time.

The couple bubble is a space in which the members of a relationship feel protected and safe. They know that they can count on the other person, because they give and receive the same. They are their priority, in the most difficult moments they are there, they work for active listening and there is good communication.

When there is this type of bubble in relationships, it does not mean that couples withdraw into themselves, forgetting about their relationships with others. Quite the opposite. They build a space to protect themselves and grow. A space where independence is present, but also closeness. When that bubble is destroyed, the relationship is no longer healthy. Are you building a partner bubble?